by j. brotherlove
Original photo: March Madness Volume III by Troofire
JNez is a 35 year old single dad who is sharing his 20 year battle with HIV and depression "and one or two consequent addictions & compulsions". In How It Began (Part I) he recounts how he contacted the virus and offers a thoughtful take on parenting his three daughters in why i let my children hold me accountable:
“because i gotta teach them how to be adults. i accept that this decision is heavily criticized, but i really feel as if i’m doing the right thing. and if i’m not, i will let them hold me accountable for failing.”
The Wire Retires
My Sunday nights are dull again as far as TV is concerned. One of my favorite shows of all time, The Wire recently aired its last episode. The series was groundbreaking in many ways. Of note, was its prominent portrayal of black lesbian and gay characters. I’ll link to June Thomas’ comments at The Slate:
"Snoop was the first convincing butch lesbian on television—a no-apologies, cross-dressing bull dyke."
"And, of course, there was Omar. He had three gorgeous boyfriends—Brandon, Dante, and Renaldo—whom he loved, body and soul. He even put together his own LGBT version of the James gang. (When Tosha was killed during a robbery in Season 3, her lover Kimmy’s grief was, weirdly, a joy to witness.) We homosexuals just don’t get to see this stuff on television."
Darian Defends B. Scott
I understand why B. Scott’s gift for androgynous flamboyance is not for everyone. But people should really pay more attention to his words. And for the life of me, I can’t understand why people waste so much time and energy leaving (usually anonymous) comments about something or someone they "supposedly" hate so much. I see it on YouTube, Digg, all the major sites. It’s stupid and really, a waste of time. Get. A. Life.
"I Love You." "Um, Thanks."
"How can you respond to that if you really like the person, but it hasn’t matured into love?"
I’m slow on the emotional uptake so this has happened to me quite a bit (on the other end). My latest answer has been "I’m headed in that direction. But I’m not there yet. Is that okay with you?" But really, it’s not the same thing. On the other hand, in regards to love I believe if you feel it; you say it.
Good Love or Good Sex?
That’s the question Ramon is asking over at About.com’s Gay Life. You know my answer (check my name). But it’s easier said than done. Gay men have a cornucopia of issues that cause them to talk around getting into a relationship without actually making it.
At the extremes, I see plenty of single guys who have good sex but are always lonely. So they have a lot of good sex with a lot of guys to deal with that. On the other hand, couples in a relationship with no sex (or worse, no intimacy) have a rough time, too. It creeps into every area of your lives together.
The true answer is, you need a balance. And that requires communication. Also, you have to do some prep work if you’re really trying to give the relationship thing a go. As I told a buddy this past weekend:
"You can’t go from ho to housewife overnight. Your body and mind doesn’t understand it."
But that’s a whole ‘nother blog post.
Of course, being the “ethical slut” that I am, I have to ask why ho and housewife are the only two options.
As a fellow “ethical slut” I know where you’re coming from. I’m using “ho” and “housewife” as extremes because it’s a pattern I see often with gay men I know.
Monogamy isn’t the only relationship option and near-daily sex hookups isn’t the only way to address singlehood. But I see a lot of guys bouncing from one extreme to another.
Sure, transitioning from “super-single” to monogamous can work. But it usually doesn’t. Especially when there isn’t honest communication within the relationship regarding each person’s true, sexual self. Honesty and communication are really at the root.
Perhaps a blog series on (black) gay men and sexuality is in order.
I almost cried during the season finale of the wire. I thought it was an absolutely perfect way to end the series, with the exception of killing Omar because I was in love with him.
As far as B.Scott goes, I watched both the video and the commentary. And part of me died a little bit. Reading those things were so hurtful and disgusting. I am not an outsider looking in, I am an insider looking around. Such a horrible, horrible feeling.
This is why you can’t leave us hanging! Good stuff today! That was so powerful from Jnez, many thanks for finding and posting it. I hope his daughters realize just how important it is to listen, and, to learn from the mistakes of parents. And, he touched on an issue that black America as a whole has, never really letting all the anger and hurt out, and, in the end, you only end up hurting the ones you really do love for not being able to let it go.
The Wire? I must be the only person in America who has never seen an episode of this show.
Ho or housewife, depends on the mood, the man and the lighting of course :).
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