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read_me.gif Southern Voice Washington Blade


I am changing. Again.

by j. brotherlove

I’m at that point. Again. A place where I find myself every so often. I have limited myself and now, I am tired of it. Sick of being less than. Annoyed by my lack of courage to do the damn thing. It’s not really who I am or what I’m all about. So why the censorship? What’s the point? What’s holding me back? The excuse that you are not ready no longer applies. It feels superficial; like a cop-out. The truth is more likely - I’m not ready for you to be ready.


Course, the good thing about not having a lot of friends is who will be inconvenienced by the shift? Well, other than the obvious. And that, that gives me pause. I don’t know why there has to be so much pain involved whenever this occurs. I want to be like Clark Kent becoming Superman - a simple change of costume and eyewear. Instead, this metamorphosis is more like the Hulk - distorted and agonizing. My definition will be adjusted and I will be lost - if only temporarily - and that scares the bejeezus out of me. DNR, where are you when I need you?


One deep breath at a time is all I can muster. Besides, there is no other road left to take. I have chosen them all and they have led me back to here. Exciting and painful. Necessary and confusing. Here I go.

pub: 09/16/2004 | previous entry | next entry | feedback x 6 | subscribe

It is time to just do you. Live for yourself. I know you like to make sure everyone is taken care of. Take care of your self and don’t think twice about it. At our age and at this point in the game. People will always talk and have an opinion. Your friends and people who get a chance to see the essence of what you are really about will be in your corner. It is not about success or failure. It is about taking that risk to be true tou your self at all times.

It is ok that you are back at the same place. your gained experience will dictate the path you will choose next. The fear and the reward does not come from reaching a final destination, but from being able to keep it moving, growing, exploring new paths. Forget the peanut gallery/ haters or people who just don’t understand. You are one of the most creative people I know. Share a bit of that with the world without censorship. Nor do you need to explain yourself or actions. Follow your desires, take risks. No need to have a clark kent/ superman. Embrace and nurture all that makes you unique and special. The good, bad, and the ugly is what attracts people to the brotherlove. It is an injustice to just show parts of yourself and limit those parts to certain people.

Don’t hold yourself back any longer.

blessed be, brotha.

Maybe I’ve become a little dimmer since turning 24, but I’m missing something here. Someone posted an entry similar to this and my response was “What are you talking about?”

I’m looking between the lines and all I see is white.

my brother, my brother, my brother. i truly believe we are connected more than you know. i felt your post—-correction—-i know your post. change is a mother ain’t it? but in the long run we’re all the better because of it.

see you on the other side…

funny how you and so many others are at that very same point in life. Back to square one. And arriving there (again) becomes just a little more painful each time…

I’m struggling with the very same. And the more I think about it, it’s not so much about changing as it is about simply being. Trusting yourself. But at this point, even in the face of fear, it’s no longer a choice.

I’m sure you’ve overcome critical moments when you barely escaped death. I use mine to remind myself that I still have a purpose to seek and fulfill. There’s nothing simpler yet harder to do than committing to that purpose. And yes, courage and determination are big words, but each boils down to a small decision made in any given moment…

Thanks for allowing us to see a more vulnerable side of you.

Or, you could always, ya know, lock up a few nooks & crannies to let your soul flow. Freedom through control, as it were.